Marriage and Mystery
Ephesians 5:21–33 | 21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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Sometimes, before we even get to the Scripture, God’s Spirit is already doing something in the room. In moments of worship or silence, we’re invited to lean in and listen. That same posture of listening matters when we approach passages in the Bible that have been misunderstood or misused. Ephesians 5:21–33 is one of those. It talks about marriage—but not just marriage. It’s about love, mutual respect, and ultimately, about Jesus and the Church. And it starts with this line: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That’s the frame for everything that follows.
Let’s be honest—submission is not a word most people get excited about. In our culture, it’s often tied to power dynamics and control. But the word Paul uses carries a much different meaning: a voluntary, courageous alignment with someone in pursuit of a greater purpose. It's a term that was used in military contexts, but not to imply hierarchy. It spoke of soldiers strategically placing themselves in support of one another. Imagine that—marriage not as a battleground, but as a strategic alliance against common enemies like selfishness, pride, or fear.
The idea that wives should “submit” has too often been used to silence or sideline women. But Paul’s instructions begin before that verse—with mutual submission. And when you understand the original language, a better translation might be “support.” Support each other, because the goal isn’t control—it’s unity. Wives, support your husbands. Husbands, love your wives like Christ loves the church. That kind of love doesn’t demand power—it gives it up. It sacrifices. It nurtures. It builds up.
Paul calls this relationship a “profound mystery.” He’s not just talking about romance. He’s talking about how a healthy marriage reflects God’s love for His people. In the ancient world, where women and children were seen as property, this was radical. Paul was flipping the cultural norm. Instead of using people, he calls husbands and wives to serve and protect one another. Instead of dominance, he invites sacrifice. Instead of silence, he calls out value and dignity.
One of the most powerful truths shared in the message is this: your spouse is not your enemy. They’re your ally. The pastor shared how his wife has always fought for him, not with him. That’s the picture Scripture paints—not of wives being less than, but of them deploying themselves in strength beside their husbands. It’s what Rebecca did when she said, “I expect you to lead our family spiritually.” Not as a power move, but as a charge of trust. Marriage becomes a sacred partnership, not a place for silent resentment or passive detachment.
For husbands, the call is clear—love your wife like Christ loves the Church. That means sacrifice. That means putting her needs before your own. It might mean rearranging your schedule, letting go of preferences, or listening more than speaking. The model is Jesus—who gave up everything, not to control the Church, but to make her radiant and whole. That kind of leadership isn’t loud or bossy. It’s quiet strength, humble service, and consistent presence.
In any relationship—especially marriage—words matter. Are you speaking life into each other, or tearing each other down with subtle jabs? Sometimes couples don’t scream or fight—they just cut each other down, one sarcastic remark at a time. And over time, that erodes trust and joy. If nothing ever feels good enough, people stop trying. But love builds up. Love cheers on. Love focuses on the reasons you said yes in the first place, not the quirks that get under your skin.
A healthy marriage doesn’t happen on accident. It takes grace—daily grace. It means praying together, sharing what God is doing in your life, encouraging each other’s growth, and choosing kindness even when it’s easier to be short. It’s about asking not, “Is this person making me happy?” but “How can we help each other become who God designed us to be?” That shift changes everything. You begin to model Jesus not just on Sundays, but at the dinner table, on hard days, in the small sacrifices no one sees.
At the end of the day, marriage is meant to be a signpost—a billboard—that points to the selfless, unwavering love of Jesus. Whether you’re married or not, the deeper question is this: are you letting Jesus be your ally? Are you letting Him wash away lies with truth? Are you living like someone who’s deeply loved and being made ready for something greater? Because He doesn’t give up on you. He pursues. He cherishes. And the more we experience that love, the more we can give it to others.